The Obsolescence of Masculinity (Part I)

A real man.

Your first thought is something along the lines of “He can’t start an essay with a sentence fragment!” You may be right. However, that’s not the point. Your disgruntled protest was accompanied by something else: an image.

That image was of what your idea of a ‘real man’ is. The lone gunslinger riding into Dodge, the knight in shining armor, the mountain man dressed in buckskin, or maybe even a more subtle figure from literature, like Atticus Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird.

Whatever the image, it wasn’t of a man sitting in an office working eight hours a day, five days a week, with benefits and a 401k.

As much as we may hate to admit it, modern society has lost its need for ‘real men.’ If no gunslinger rolls in to clean up town, if no knight stands forth to defend a sacred Honor, if no mountain man guides our path, if no Atticus Finch stands up for what’s right in the face of unified opposition, society scarcely takes notice; traffic still courses through the freeways of L.A., politicians still write their laws in Washington, and the stock market tickers on Wall Street glide by unperturbed. Business as usual.

This is the first essay in a four-part series discussing the plight of the modern man, his response to that plight, and a suggestion for his consideration.

To why the modern man – let’s call him Harold – is dissatisfied with his plot in life, we must first understand how he thinks. Easier said, you say, than done.

Harold – though he would ardently deny it if accused directly – is a very needy creature. Four of those needs form a significant portion of his problem with society.

The first thing Harold needs is to feel independent. In modern society, it’s very difficult to be truly independent; it’s too easy to rest on the supporting arms of welfare, parents, working spouses, or even the comfortable routine of a dead-end job. So, Harold resorts to displays. Look at any man living off of a successful wife, and you’re guaranteed to find someone “temporarily unemployed” or “trying to publish some writing” or “continuing an education.”

The second thing Harold needs is to provide for and protect someone else – preferably a female someone else. Sometimes the need for independence trumps this one, resulting in the sort of brash, uncaring modern man commonly referred to as “an asshole.”

Harold is not an asshole. Harold displays the need to protect by making displays of protection and provision towards any female he may be interested in. This may include giving her advice, “fathering” her by asking where she’s going and what she’ll be doing, fixing things for her, or any other number of gestures which may very well annoy the modern woman. If the woman rejects his protection – by fixing things herself, say, or ignoring his advice – Harold feels he has failed in his quest to be a ‘real man.’

The third thing Harold needs is power. Harold is an intellectual; he craves a powerful intellect. Other men may seek physical strength or political prestige, but it all boils down to the same basic desire.

Finally, and perhaps above all, Harold needs acceptance. This need is common to both men and women, but manifests itself in different ways. My crystal ball into the mind of women being temporarily misplaced, I asked Anna Joy for some insight into this distinction – one which she’ll be covering in more detail in a future essay.

For a woman, external appearances are an integral part of acceptance. Harold, on the other hand, may occasionally wish to be better looking, but on the whole doesn’t particularly care how he looks.

A woman often seeks acceptance by fulfilling the role she’s in. If she’s in a corporate position, her acceptance depends on how well she does at her job. If she’s caring for a household, her acceptance depends on her house.

Harold, on the other hand, just needs to be part of a ‘pack.’ He can fail miserably at work and feel fine with himself if he has a pack of other men to fit in with. In some packs, failing at work or school can even be reason for renown – look at the classic frat house mentality at many colleges. In short, Harold doesn’t so much need to be thought well of in general as to be thought well of by his pack. The more Harold fulfills the ideals of his pack, the more renown Harold has in their eyes, and the better he feels about himself in the end.

It’s these psychological needs that cause Harold’s dissatisfaction with the modern world. We’ll discuss the details of that dissatisfaction in our next essay.

Tune in, as they say, next time.